My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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