As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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