it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
