I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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