i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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