I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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