two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
