Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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