I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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