There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
