Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
