He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
