i permit you to call me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
