Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Less talking, more tequila
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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