dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
