i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
