How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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