If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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