How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
