u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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