I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
me + whiskey = a bad person
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
