I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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