Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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