when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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