Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
