Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
