Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
