when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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