Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
