i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
