I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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