you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
