the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
