I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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