i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
