Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
