goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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