My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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