Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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