my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
