my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
