I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
