Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
