"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
