I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
