you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
