he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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