why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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