he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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