I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
