She is in my trunk
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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